But.. I'm not where I want to be..There was a common theme for my clients’ last month. I’m not sure whether it’s because of the change in seasons or whether there’s a hidden portal somewhere in the ethers called a ‘midyear slump’ that’s like the opposite of an amazing end of financial year sale.

Those of us who made new year’s resolutions 6 months ago or decided that our birthday year was going to be different / better / more abundant / more loving, have been feeling disappointed about our dreams that have yet to manifest into reality.

One thing that my numerous studies, soul searching and being a kinesiologist has shown me over the years, is that many of us are rarely where want to be or where we think we should be for 2 reasons.The first is because our desires have yet to manifest into reality, as the outer world reflects our inner world, and that can often mean that there is still healing and clearing to do.

The second reason is that we need to take a time out and recover from either a physical manifestation of an illness, or from the heavy heartedness of grief that is often so over powering, the thought of moving forward can feel like it’s too much to bare.

Most of us have heard the phrase that success is about the journey, not the destination, but when your nervous system feels like it’s at a standstill, it can be hard to remember such sage advice.

In a world that is  replete with instant gratification & social media comparisons, it’s hard not to get caught up in someone else’s success, and thus compare ourselves less favourably.

I believe a big part of not being at peace with where we’re not, or what we don’t have, is because many of us have not strengthened our disappointment muscle. What I mean to say is, that we haven’t been taught to practice the necessary skills to deal with, and ultimately overcome disappointment.

And who can blame us? When we’ve endured set back after setback, not only is hard to overcome the grief and the sadness, but it takes time to shift our mindset (or up level our frequency) so that we’re vibrating at a higher rate.

How do we know that we’re not where we’d like to be? Other than the glaring fact that we don’t have that body, job, partner home or degree?

We compare ourselves to others don’t we? Before the influx of social media, most of our comparisons were via people in our family or inner circle. These days it consists of our wider digital circle aka Instagram or Facebook showcasing their highlight reel.

Lacey Ann Phillips who makes a living teaching people to be more magnetic and thus manifest their soul’s desire’s into reality, calls this an opportunity to meet your expander.

She also discusses the inevitability of failure – after all, at school, didn’t we have assessments periodically through the year before our big exams? Life is not dissimilar. We will often get tested to see whether we still really want that partner, home or job, or to see where we might still have work to do that involves some form of emotional clearing.

Despite our algebra classes, science experiments and epic English novels, school curriculums didn’t teach us the importance of how to react when we stumble. When we’ve had a few consecutive topples, it’s hard not to feel disheartened, but instead of rushing to make this the end of our epic saga, we forget that this can simply be the end of a chapter, or better still, a mere paragraph in our epic life novel or autobiography.

Patty Kikos - Clearing Sessions

The late Jonathan Cainer was often interviewed for astrology articles and when a journalist would invariably ask him whether he thought one’s destiny was actually written in the stars versus the possibility of us actually having free will over our calling, his answer was always the same.

“You have to think of your destiny like a good book. It’s only ever going to be a good book, so long as it’s had a good edit.”

Carolyn Myss refers to this as the mismanagement of our attitudes. She says that this notion of a ‘promised land syndrome’ where we think that a certain place, person or job will help save us, is causing us heartache and depression.

Sure, life coulda shoulda woulda been a certain way, but by being plugged into this notion, you drain your spirit and energy circuits from being able to embrace anything positive about your life and its potential.

We must learn how to manage our energy and pull our circuits into present time so that we no longer allow a bump on the road to define an ending – but rather embrace it as one of life’s inevitable tests to see how far we’ve come, and what else we need to clear.

Remember it’s not the load that breaks us, it’s the way we carry it that does.
Optimism helps us deal with setbacks a lot easier. It means that stressors are dealt with more efficiently as we can focus more on coping strategies and become better at looking at how we can deal with the problem by confronting it and lessening the severity of the stress.

Fear and sadness are a normal part of life especially when triggered by stress or heart ache. But even when we feel these emotions, we can choose approach focused coping, which gives us a sense of control and ownership as we’re more open to looking for solutions.

Life is meant to be happy and fulfilling. Yes there are struggles and hardships yes there are set backs – yes there are goals we are working towards but optimism helps us feel happy during the journey – not when we reach the intangible destination.

Given that we are often striving to achieve the next goal, or recovering from the disappointment of it not manifesting as we had originally hoped, is there perhaps something missing from our spiritual and emotional toolkit to help us better navigate these extremes?

Since many of us were raised by parents who have possibly also struggled to manage their own disappointments, isn’t there a better way for us to learn to self-regulate our emotions so that we are no longer defined by where we’re not, or what we don’t have?

If not having what we want is causing us so much pain, then perhaps it’s time to change what we want or how we want it.
The art of letting go is difficult for many of us are we are investing in a universal energy of trust in the invisible. The trust that what is meant for us will never go by us and in the trust of divine timing being in our higher alignment, versus us simply wanting that job, man, house, woman or degree now.

When I work with my clients, I teach that in order to embody their true power, they need to harness the energy of being both neutral and detached. I do this because when our energy circuits are not tethered to only one possible solution that is intangible and external to us, we may as well just roll out the red carpet and give our power away on a silver platter.

Tosha Silver, bestselling author of ‘Change Me Prayers’ offers a more simple, yet eloquent way of aligning to power:

“Please free me from this prison of longing! Let me feel whole and happy with OR without this.”

I hope this post helped you feel clearer and more at peace with exactly where you are in your life. As always, I look forward to your reply, and even more so to crossing paths with you soon. Til next time, I’m sending you so much love.

Patty Kikos