I recently read an article that suggested that the 2 questions most of us are born wanting to know the answers to are ‘Who am I?’ and ‘Who loves me?’

When these questions are not answered in a healthy way, a rejection mindset can form within our psyche.

As we journey through life and navigate the myriad of experiences that both shape our personality and contribute to our confidence, we experience the contrast of feeling ‘special’ where we receive positive re-enforcement or wishing the earth would just open up and swallow us whole.

I hated being special. As a kid, I stood out for all the wrong reasons with my thick glasses and self-conscious demeanour that it felt more like I had special needs.

I detested the barrage of questions about my advanced hyper myopia, for in my mind, it highlighted a deformity that emphasised my severe lack of vision.

But that was until I LOVED being special. Fast-forward all those awkward AF tween years when dorky Patty blossomed into her Patty Cakes and discovered that she was bloody brilliant at sports.

The sporty timing co-incited with me ditching the bottom of coca cola bottles for spectacles and replacing them with contact lenses and BOOM, I was walking on sunshine. Maybe even skipping.

As humans we can mistake the feeling of ‘being special’ with being more worthy, more important or more loved.

But when any sense of ‘more-ness’ comes from an external factor, usually in the form of someone else’s opinion, it means we’re plugging into a foreign frequency to validate our internal worth.

It’s not a frequency that is ours to embody for not only will it make us insecure, but we also start to connect to ourselves in a provisional manner creating scenarios akin to conditional love.

Internal dialogues start to form in ways that place restrictions and conditions on our behaviour and subsequent worthiness such as:

• I’m only smart when I ace my test

• I’m only pretty when I’m skinny

• I’m only liked when I’m sweet

• I’m only respected when I’m tough

• I’m only popular when I’m funny

• I’m only special when this person tells me

Our greatness comes from so many internal factors, but mostly in choosing behaviours that can help maintain our sense of wellbeing and aid in our spiritual evolution. Choosing not to take things personally is one of them.

When we can master this life lesson, it means that we are no longer giving our power away by getting upset over other people’s opinions of us. The more we allow someone to upset us, the more power we give over to them.

By taking back our power, we can also honour the fact that we can choose who we interact with. As children, not only did we have very little choice, but we were also dependant on our physical needs being met by our caregivers.

Our friends and school peers were also a circumstance of the location we grew up in, but as adults, we can choose where to live and who to befriend.

In extreme situations one solution may be to cut contact with toxic people completely, but if that’s not a viable solution, then limiting your interaction with them might be the second best option.

Our greatness also comes from our awareness of our triggers and sensitivities, but mostly from our willingness and commitment to overcome them.

The late well-known astrologer Jonathan Cainer would receive a flood of questions about his craft when he’d meet new people. The question he was asked the most was never “Will I be rich?” or “Will I meet my soul mate?”

Instead people would flock to him and ask whether their destiny was really written in the stars and whether it could be changed.

His response was always the same and to this day it’s one of my favourite quotes. He’d say, “Think of your destiny like a good book. It’s only ever going to be a good read, so long as it’s had a good edit.”

And this is what we do in order to step into our greatness. 

We constantly edit our story. We stop giving the bullies in our life a prequel or even their own chapter. If they’re lucky, the editing process may mention them in a few sentences, but ultimately, we update our story and this means we get to renovate our relationships with people.

We embrace the impermanence of life and find peace with the fact that we don’t need to plug into someone else’s opinion of us in order to be special. We accept that relationships evolve and in yoga terms, if we’re going to honour our spiritual growth, sometimes we need to let go of needing the sun to shine out of our own asana.

Most of all, we’re OK with not everyone thinking we’re special, in fact, part of our greatness is our ability to discern whose opinion is important and whose is not.

And this is OK. Why? Because you cannot be any more you than what you already are, which is a wonderful thing. Like Dr Seuss says, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

You know about the a third, a third, a third rule right?

The idea behind this is that a third of the world will love you no matter what you do and will follow you wherever you will go.

The second third are indifferent towards you. They may or may not necessarily even remember your name or anything about you.

The last third will never like you, no matter what you do or what you say.

So wanting to be liked by everyone is really wasting your time, energy and spiritual resources on two thirds of the world that are never really going to give a downward dog about you in the first place.

Isn’t it liberating to know that you have less work to do and fewer people to please?

Next week we celebrate the Autumn Equinox and commemorate the one of two days of the year when day and night are equal in length (the other is the Spring Equinox later in September).

It’s an auspicious time to release your stress and restore your energy balance, hence why in exactly a week next Friday evening, I’ll be teaching my first workshop of the year at Sukha Mukha.

I’ll be holding the space for you to experience a beautiful kundalini yoga practice that is open to ALL levels, as the practice is done at your own pace & with your eyes closed.

Together, we will cleanse your glands and boost your immune system and finish with a 30-minute gong bath to soothe your nervous system so you feel restored. It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve taught a workshop and I’d so love to see you there. 

Til next time, Patty Kikos